Friday, June 3, 2011

The Llama (Mister Timbuktu)

This is a poem I wrote for my creative writing class my sophomore year. Normally, I would be incredibly embarrassed by something like this, but it got a grade of 100% from the esteemed Mr. Moran. I cannot possibly express to you what an accomplishment this is. A 100% from Mr. Moran is the equivalent of roughly 120% from any other, less judgmental teacher. This still remains the source of a great deal of pride for me; I recently had it engraved on a solid gold plaque blessed by the Dalai Lama. So with that, please enjoy the most notable thing I have ever done. Note: it is written in iambic quadrameter, meaning that each line contains four “feet” employing a “da DUM da DUM” rhythm. I am only mentioning this so I can attempt to convince you that, no, this poem was not pulled entirely from my ass, but did in fact require some effort.

You see that llama over there?
His name is Mister Timbuktu
Although this judgment is unfair,
I’m pretty sure he’s stalking you

He follows you to school, to work
He always knows just where you are
Behind you he will always lurk
He sleeps inside your rusty car

With stealth and grace, he shadows you
He’s always there, one step behind
He followed you home from the zoo
You are the one he’ll always find

At night when you drift off to sleep
He likes to listen to you snore
So skilled he doesn’t make a peep
He paces ‘round your well-worn floor

And you- so dense! So unaware!
He never leaves your [clueless] side
He wants to brush your greasy hair
To dance with you- to twirl, to glide!

As I tell you this twisted tale,
Your face turns to a crimson red
And now it’s draining, turning pale
You’re out the door, you’ve turned and fled

The llama watches with despair
His eyes fill up with heavy tears
Forlornly, he eats more ├ęclairs
He chases them with four more beers

You hear that noise- that breaking sound?
The llama’s heart is shattering
It’s falling now, straight to the ground
He’d hoped you’d find this flattering

He hopes you’re not afraid of him
He loves you more than you can know
For you he would risk life and limb
This llama wants to be your beau

Although you may feel you’ve been wronged,
It’s really not the llama’s fault
You’re just the one for which he’s longed
He sadly douses corn with salt

Just please don’t think that he’s insane
You didn’t need to be so mean
You could’ve stopped, let him explain
Instead, you freaked and caused a scene

He’s been inside your house, your rooms
He’s been inside your school, your bed
He’s been inside your car that zooms
But YOU’RE the one inside his head

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