Instead of covering just one stupid product this time, I'm giving you a list of five. Big upgrade, I know. You're welcome. Now, dear readers, all I want you to do is sit back and relax. And like me.
Here we go:
#1: Jerome Russell's Spray On Hair Color Thickener. Before I investigated, I was under the impression that this product was something balding men sprayed on their hair and the product somehow whipped their hair follicles into shape. I was wrong. This product is a colored spray, much like spray paint, that the aforementioned balding men spray on their heads to make it look like they have thick, luscious hair. In reality, it just looks a very sad (sadlarious, even) attempt to fool the general public. A failed attempt, at that. See below:
|I repeat: fail.|
On to #3, then: the Solafeet Foot Tanner. Yeah, you heard me (well, I guess you... read... me?). It's a tanner for your tootsies. Believe me, this is necessary. That overly-enthusiastic foot fetishist next door will lose interest if you're sporting pasty pies (that's PEE-ase, b.t.w. The Spanish word for feet? Not pies. Not desserts. Feet.).
|feet = toned, tanned, fit and ready. ohhh yess.|
|or you could just suck it up and sit upright to read.||lazy freaks.|
This is exactly as sadlarious as it sounds. The Boyfriend Pillow is a pillow with an arm on it, designed to imitate the feeling of having a man's arm around you. A direct quote from the website: "The Boyfriend Pillow is a uniquely designed memory foam arm pillow that gives females the feeling of being embraced by by a real man without the snoring, tossing or turning." I think this might be one of the saddest things I've ever seen. I don't know if there's a better way to advertise your own desperation and crushing loneliness. And I'm not going to lie to you, the pillow itself is quite creepy. It looks like half of a man's torso has been severed and given to sad single ladies to snuggle with.
|creepy AND sad.|