Proofreading is Our Friend

 A while ago, my mom showed me a list she found of funny misprints, typos, or other blunders in church bulletins. Now, I would definitely be lying if I said I found church entertaining, but if they printed things like these in the bulletins, I don't think I would be the only one feeling much more entertained.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.

Evening massage- 6 p.m.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.

Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 p.m. Please use the back door.

 Ushers will eat latecomers.

The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.

The Reverend Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say “hell” to someone who doesn’t care much about you.

A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.

Potluck supper: prayer and medication to follow.

Don’t let worry kill you off- let the church help.

The 1997 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.

Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.

Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water”

The sermon tonight: “Searching for Jesus”

Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don’t forget your husbands.

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.

Miss Charlene Mason sang “I Will Not Pass This Way Again”, giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want to remember.

The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7 p.m. there will be a hymn group in the park across from the church. Come prepared to sin.

 Ladies’ Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the fellowship hall after the B.S. is done.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing program campaign slogan last Sunday: “I upped my pledge- up yours.”

Our next song is “Angels We Have Heard Get High”.