Sunday, December 12, 2010

No Title Necessary; You Know I've Thought of Nothing New

Blah blah blah, OMG I’m hopelessly unoriginal and my mind is a monstrous black hole of unoriginality and despair, blah blah blah, empty promise that next week will be better, blah blah blah, desperate plea for your tolerance and/or approval. Well, I think we’ve covered all the usual formalities. Let’s get to business. May, please take your place around the campfire. You’re about to be roasted.

May is Date Your Mate Month. Because the other 11 months are designated for the dating of other people’s mates?

May is both National Hamburger Month and National Blood Pressure Month. Seriously, is somebody doing this on purpose?

May 1st is Save the Rhino Day. I was completely on board with this holiday and its purpose (to raise awareness about the endangerment of the rhino)…. Until I saw the picture Holiday Insights supplied. Quite frankly, if that’s how the rhino’s going to look, I don’t feel the least bit compelled to save them.

May 3rd is Lumpy Rug Day. Contrary to popular belief, the “Lumpy Rug” in question is not a dance your parents did at their school dances. It’s even more stupid than that. Lumpy Rug Day is a day to “appreciate a good rug.”  Because, apparently, somebody thinks WE NEED TO BE CELEBRATING SOMETHING EVERY SINGLE DAY OF THE YEAR. Ridiculous.

May 6th is National Tourist Appreciation Day. Because I would like nothing more than to appreciate these people.

May 6th is also International No Diet Day.

just a quick candid of me doing a bit o' celebrating last year.

May 8th is No Socks Day. Also known as Nobody Wants to See Your Wookiee Toes Day.

May 9th is Lost Sock Memorial Day. See, if you hadn’t participated in No Socks Day, you would know where they were. It’s your fault for participating in such an asinine holiday.

May 14th is Dance Like a Chicken Day. No.

May 15th is National Sea Monkey Day. My brother used to have sea monkeys. I named one of them Hermione. Unfortunately, they were killed when, in a well-intentioned attempt to save them from a spider, I hid them in a drawer. R.I.P. Hermione.

May 21st is National Memo Day. Here, I’ll pre-write one for you: GET A LIFE.

May 24th is National Escargot Day. Dis. Gus. Ting.

May 25th is National Tap Dance Day. Don’t do this.

May 30th is Water a Flower Day. You’re only allowed to participate in this if A) you water only one flower, B) you water this one flower only on this designated day, and C) you express as much enthusiasm about it as the man depicted below.

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